Gene Simmons Family Jewels Recap: Shannon’s ‘Yes’ Doesn’t End the Drama

Getting his long-time girlfriend to say "yes" to marriage hasn't ended the drama for Gene Simmons on tonight's season premiere of 'Family Jewels.' Wedding dates, prenuptial agreements and a promise to stay faithful all still need to be sorted out, and our hero keeps tripping over himself.

All of the issues being bandied about in halting half-steps on tonight's show could probably be resolved with one honest, adult conversation behind closed doors. It would certainly help not to have the camera making everyone self-conscious and pressured to entertain, but apparently there's more money to be made this way, so...

We start off with Gene and Shannon in a couples counselor's office, breaking down the fears and concerns they felt in the dramatic, drawn-out moments of last season's wedding proposal finale. It turns out Tweed accepted only after a delay of several minutes, with a bunch of concerns and conditions. From the looks of things, this is going to be a major thread for the next few episodes of the show.

Gene can't seem to promise to be faithful even as a married man, instead vowing only to do his best. Naturally, this isn't good enough for Tweed, who also denies him a bachelor party, explaining quite logically that "your whole life has been a bachelor party."

Then it's off to Gene's mother's house for the overlong revelation of his proposal and Shannon's acceptance, which served mainly to delay the surprise engagement party the couple's children were planning for them back at home. That happens the next night instead, and features the hour's most truly touching moment, as the kids brought Gene's family in from overseas to share the good news and seemingly reduce "The Demon" to tears several times.

Finally, Shannon gets down to brass tacks and tries to plan a date for the wedding, despite her mother's warnings that Gene's past behavior is the most reliable predictor of how well this is all going to work out. She soldiers on anyway, only to be continually countered by Gene's requests for a quickie clerk's office wedding. He repeatedly cites a busy upcoming schedule for Kiss, what with a new album coming out and all.

(Are we allowed to say at this juncture that we'd much rather watch an hour of them in the studio making 'Monster,' even if it's just footage of Eric Singer dialing in the snare drum sound, than this? No?? OK, never mind.)

Just in time for the final segment, Gene comes to his senses, vows to stop his nonsense, and commits to finding a time to have the big lavish wedding his long-suffering partner has been hoping to have for nearly three decades now. So that's settled, you think.

And you can keep thinking that way for two whole minutes, until they show the previews for next week's double dose of shows, which are apparently both going to deal with more cold-footed behavior from the God of Thunder.

Until then, you can skip ahead to the real-time end of this story a little bit by checking out the wedding photo and reception party footage from the big event. Now if you excuse us, we're gonna go blast 'Destroyer.'