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Kiss, ‘Lick it Up’ – Hilariously Outdated Videos

MTV’s sudden rise to dominance came at a very awkward time for Kiss, who in 1983 finally removed the identity-masking facepaint that had long been their calling card. Like a teenager forced to take school pictures on a bad acne day, the band gamely tried to forge a new identity for themselves in this newly popular medium — with some highly comedic results. Bassist Gene Simmons is quick to admit it was tough to adapt his demonic on-stage persona to this new situation, but that’s far from the only thing that makes this a hilariously outdated video. Here’s some other stuff to watch out for.¬†

First Off, Don’t Let All Those Crotches Hit You in the Face
It’s completely understandable that Kiss would want to build some drama before revealing their real faces in this video. But there had to be some other way to do it than by having the camera focused directly on their junk throughout the first verse, right?

Kiss Are Really Proud of Their Ability to Walk
Seriously, do they think they’ve got the market cornered on this skill? Kiss spend the first half-minute of this video literally doing nothing but going for a brisk power walk, and with a couple of punches thrown in, that’s how they spend the start of their next video too. Think we’re nitpicking? OK, possibly. But it’s a trend that’s only gotten worse in the present day, with the band periodically releasing official clips of the members¬†literally just walking various places both with makeup and without.

Society Has Crumbled. But There’s Plenty of Hair Spray for Everyone
You’d think with all those fires randomly burning all over the place, there would be a big risk of a Michael Jackson-like tragedy, but apparently in this ‘Mad Max’ future your place in civilization is largely determined by hair height and volume.

Someone Got a Really Good Deal on Metal Grating (and Skulls)
Clearly, that’s all you need if you wanna make a run-down city street look like a futuristic, post-apocalyptic wasteland. Oh and for dinner, you drink out of squeeze bottles and eat from mini Day-Glo plastic suitcases.

Gene Simmons Has No Idea What To Do With Himself Without Makeup
“It’s me, with the tongue — remember? (wag wag wag wag wag) I’m still scary, right?” Oh, the poor bastard. Just watch how many different poses and facial expressions he tries on between the :40 and 1:10 marks: the fist pump, the “Frankenstein,” the moment where he seems to almost faint … Hang on, buddy, 1996 will get here soon enough!

Paul Stanley Has Absolutely No Such Problem
In fact, if they could even harness one-quarter of the energy the former Starchild expends just with his hands during this song, they could get that entire city back on the grid in a week, probably add a monorail too. Bonus points for the matching leopard-skin boots and guitar.

Eric Carr Manages to Remain Cool
Whatever his new bosses threw at him — well, except maybe the chicken costume — Kiss’ dearly departed second drummer always managed to somehow avoid looking silly.

We’re Pretty Sure That’s Vinnie Vincent’s Skull at the End
Well, that was about the last we saw of him in the Kiss world, right?

See the Next Hilariously Outdated Video

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