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Hollywood Rolls Out the Red Carpet for Steven Tyler on ‘American Idol’

steventyler
Fox

It’s time for Hell Week on ‘American Idol‘ — otherwise known as Hollywood Week, even though it’s really in Pasadena or someplace far less exotic-sounding.

Regardless, this is where Steven Tyler really starts to earn his keep as a judge, so let’s see what he’s up to.

He began the first day by reciting some lyrics from the Cowardly Lion’s song in ‘The Wizard of Oz’ to the nervous competitors:

“What makes the dawn rise with thunder? What makes the sphinx the seventh wonder? Courage! What makes the Hottentot so hot? Who put the ‘ape’ in apricot? What have they got that I ain’t got? Courage!”

(That’s his version of a pep talk, kids. Just roll with it.)

He wielded a sharp, unapologetic ax during the “sudden death” rounds, all the while wearing the reading glasses we hate because they remind us how old he really is, which only serves to remind us how old we really are. (Can’t he get contacts or something? It’s like he doesn’t love us at all.)

During the show, we were treated to contestants singing Queen, Heart and Creedence Clearwater Revival songs, but the compressed nature of the one hour program meant each was granted barely a snippet of airtime. Midway through the first day, he gave yet another inspirational speech: “I want to see some snapping, some yelling, some freaking out, I wanna see some camaraderie go astray!”

Yeah, we’re not entirely sure what that meant either, but we checked our Tyler-to-English dictionary and the translation was roughly “I’d very much like to see some enthusiasm, if you please” so we’ll go with that.

When he arrived for day two, he dropped one more bon mot: “Another day, another dollar … another man to give out a holler.”

Later on, in an uncomfortable exchange that had to give him flashbacks of at least a few hotel room encounters, he told a chick who begged him to let her stay, “I just don’t think you brought it today.” Then he gave her cab fare and sent her home. (No, not really, but that would’ve been awesome.)

And finally, to a young boy with a Michael Jackson-ish vibe: “I have tires older than you are.” Which was really an understatement because dude, we have eggs older than that kid.

See you next time.

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