Steven Tyler Meets Us in Saint Louie for ‘American Idol’
After an audition process that we swear has been going on longer than Madonna's been an unbearable bore, 'American Idol' is finally wrapping up the open casting calls. Yay! At least when people are awful next week, it'll be all in one place.
Let's see what our favorite 'Idol' judge, Steven Tyler, had to say about the latest batch of victims.
"Where the hell are we?" he asked as he got out of his limo. When told he was in St. Louis, he muttered, "Couple girlfriends from here," and then nervously glanced over his shoulder.
Okay, he didn't, but he probably should've. Anyone could've been in the unruly mob behind him.
"I like your moxie," he later told a belty country singer, using a family-friendly word because she had her young daughter with her. (And by "young," we mean too young even for Steven. So, like, under six.)
Then an awful Elvis impersonator showed up, causing Steven to weirdly recite a bunch of lyrics from the Aerosmith song 'No Surprize,' getting roundly censored when he got to the line "then where the f-ck's my royalties." The faux-Elvis just blinked at him in stunned amazement, much as the rest of us have been doing for years.
Moving along, Tyler inexplicably said "that was so beautiful it made me cry" to a guy with a mediocre voice who tried to make us feel sorry for him because he went to a big high school where a few people weren't very nice to him.
Seriously, dude? That's the worst thing you've ever endured? This is why the terrorists hate us.
A while later, Steven took a break to give a pep-talk to the waiting contestants. One of them, a guy named Ethan, had a genuine sob story about his father who's currently in rehab trying to clean himself up (note to wimpy boy above: that's hardship). Ethan sang pretty well, and after the judges put him through, Steven even said he wants to meet Ethan's dad when he's released -- a lovely and heartfelt offer, even if you're not entirely sure a guy fresh out of rehab should really be chillin' with Steven Tyler.
See you for the Tinseltown rounds next week.
Watch Aerosmith Perform 'No Surprize'