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Jon Bon Jovi and ‘New Year’s Eve’ Gets No Mercy from Film Critics

Jon Bon Jovi
Jameal Countess, Getty Images

Wednesday night’s New York City premiere of ‘New Year’s Eve,’ a megafilm starring just about every living Hollywood star and starlet available — and film co-star Jon Bon Jovi — went off without a hitch. But then the reviews started showing up in Thursday’s paper and online. Critics are likely to agree that growing another mullet would have been a better career move for the singer.

“‘New Year’s Eve’ might hold the record for wasting the talents of more Oscar nominees and winners than any movie before it,” critic Willie Waffle says before adding “Seeing how the rest of the band abandoned (Jon) Bon Jovi and let him make this movie on his own, was a reminder that even Richie Sambora has standards. Standards exceeding those of Mr. Robert DeNiro, (whose appearance) brought on another tear.”

Rotten Tomatoes gives it 5 percent on it’s Tomatometer (low is bad), even worse than ‘Zookeeper’ with Kevin James which earned 14 percent. “The worst sin of ‘New Year’s Eve’ is the insulating presentation of New Year’s Eve in the Big Apple. Hopefully, no one thinks New Year’s Eve in New York City is this boring, clichéd and common,” says Clay Cane of BET.

We’ll dismiss this as a low point in the rocker’s acting career. Previously he starred in quality flicks like ‘U-571,’ and … (tumbleweed, uncomfortable whistling, hoping for phone to ring) … Well, his stint on ‘Ally McBeal’ was OK. To be fair no one criticized his role as “Jensen” in ‘New Year’s Eve.’ But as he learned in ‘U-571,’ when your ship is blown up by a German submarine you think is still miles away, everyone goes down with it. Or something like that.

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