Charles Manson Is Engaged
There really is someone for everyone out there: Murderous psychopath Charles Manson, imprisoned for decades due to his role in the infamous slayings of seven people and an unborn child in August 1969, is engaged to be married.
The AP reports that Manson’s bride-to-be is Afton Elaine Burton, aka “Star,” the woman who’s spent nearly a decade working to clear his name since leaving her home and moving to the California town where he’s incarcerated.
“Y’all can know that it’s true. It’s going to happen. I love him,” Burton told reporters, claiming that the ceremony will be held next month. “I’m with him.” Asked what she hopes to gain from marrying an 80-year-old who isn’t allowed conjugal visits, she pointed out that it would help her work on Manson’s case, saying, “There’s certain things next of kin can do.”
Debra Tate, the sister of Manson victim Sharon Tate and spokesperson for the families of those murdered by the lunatic and his followers, scoffed at the nuptials. “I think it’s insane. What would any young woman in her right mind want with an 80-year-old man?” wondered Tate, although she had no such questions regarding Manson’s motives: “The devil is alive and well.”
One of the more musically inclined murderers in American history, Manson tried to get a songwriting and recording career off the ground, partly as a means of using his music to incite race riots, and briefly worked his way into Beach Boys drummer Dennis Wilson‘s social circle. His infamy eventually spilled over onto the Beatles, after it was revealed that Manson believed the group’s White Album — and ‘Helter Skelter’ in particular — were messages to him from the band.
In lieu of wedding presents, some of Twitter’s finest comedians have been sending jokes at Manson and his new bride’s expense; we’ve included a few of the best below.
If your band just booked the Burton-Manson wedding reception, may I suggest you lay off the Beatles?
— Mike Henry (@heymikehenry) November 18, 2014
Will Charles Manson and his bride walk down the aisle to Helter Skelter or the soundtrack to Triumph of the Will? Decisions, decisions.
— Warren Holstein (@WarrenHolstein) November 18, 2014
Charles Manson is getting married and I can't even get a girl to text me back
— Meninist (@MeninistTweet) November 17, 2014
Charles Manson is set to wed a female prison groupie if you're still worried about the gays ruining the sanctity of marriage or anything.
— shauna (@goldengateblond) November 17, 2014
unbelievable, Charles Manson is gonna getting married before me – guess I owe grandma 20 bucks
— Matt Oswalt (@Puddinstrip) November 17, 2014
Charles Manson's 26-year old fiancé told her concerned friends, "You guys don't understand what it's like when it's just us! He's SO sweet!"
— Jenny Johnson (@JennyJohnsonHi5) November 18, 2014
Charles Manson is 80, still incarcerated… and getting married to a 26 year-old woman. And they say dating in California is tough.
— Michael Fabiano (@Michael_Fabiano) November 17, 2014
Imagine the kind of bad dates you would have to have gone on to think marrying Charles Manson was a good idea.
— Colette Browne (@colettebrowne) November 17, 2014
The weird thing about marrying Charles Manson is how you'll be known as the crazy one.
— ⚡David Angelo⚡ (@MrDavidAngelo) November 17, 2014
Charles Manson is getting married. You're still very very single.
— Depressing Thoughts™ (@Time4Depression) November 18, 2014
Charles Manson is marrying a 26 year-old woman. Great job, her parents.
— Julius Sharpe (@juliussharpe) November 18, 2014
Charles Manson is getting married! So after all these years of being locked up he is going to finally understand what prison really is.
— Not Bill Walton (@NotBillWalton) November 18, 2014
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