Best Blue Balls Songs
There aren’t too many things more painful than the very real physical side effects of sexual frustration. Whether it’s because of unrequited love or a woman who’s changed her mind, blue balls have cursed man ever since humans started mating (we’re pretty sure there’s documented proof that cavewomen got “headaches” too). Our list of the Best Blue Balls Songs takes a look at the ups and, um, downs of stopping love in action.
‘Build Me Up Buttercup’
This British group spells out its dilemma right up front on this 1968 hit: “Why do you build me up, buttercup, just to let me down and mess me around?” You can take the whole up and down thing on a figurative level, but considering how the poor dude’s girl relentlessly teases him, we’re betting he means it quite literally.
More than any other track on our list of the Best Blue Balls Songs, Van Halen’s ‘Finish What Ya Started’ (from their 1988 album ‘OU812′) takes a more aggressive tone toward the problem. But we’d expect nothing less from a band that called its next album ‘For Unlawful Carnal Knowledge’ (snicker). Fronted by Sammy Hagar, ‘Finish What Ya Started’ isn’t so much a plea as it is a demand. He’s not above bragging either: “I got the tools to satisfy.”
Every time Georgia Satellites frontman Dan Baird calls up his girl, he gets, “No huggy, no kissy until I get a wedding ring.” And no matter what lines he drops on her or all the promises he makes, she won’t budge. His balls are undoubtedly a deep shade of blue at this point, which leaves him no choice but to consider offering a sliver of commitment: “I wanted her real bad, and I was about to give in.” The things we do for, um, love …
Unlike most of the other cuts on our list of the Best Blue Balls Songs, the Stooges’ ‘Not Right’ centers on a problem other than a reluctant partner. Iggy Pop‘s woman is willing to go all the way with him, but it’s her time of the month, and things might get a little messy. “I want something tonight,” he sings. “But she can’t help cause she’s not right.”
Yep, even the Beatles were afflicted with blue balls once in a while. And even though John Lennon and Paul McCartney share songwriting credit on the band’s second single, we’re betting it’s the former who’s striking out here. Things get so desperate, he’s begging. Begging. “You don’t need me to show the way, love.” Indeed.
As with the Beatles (see elsewhere on our list of the Best Blue Balls Songs), it’s hard to believe there was a time when the Rolling Stones weren’t getting any, as Mick Jagger so eloquently puts it in this classic, “girly action.” But here he is, lamenting his multiple shutdowns as one woman after another shoots him down. (Also see ‘Let’s Spend the Night Together,’ in which Jagger gets another serious case of blue balls.)