Rock’s Top 10 Ballsiest Songs

Let’s start our list with an obscure nugget, drawn straight the depths of time (well, 1970) and Ontario, Canada, courtesy of proto-metal also-rans Warpig. The tune in question is the aptly named ‘Melody With Balls,’ and it proves its worth with a blend of brutal riffing, haunted cries, and a feedback freakout right out of Led Zeppelin’s ‘Whole Lotta Love.’

Honorable Mention: Supagroup, ‘It Takes Balls’

Double entendres run amok on this AC/DC fan favorite, which brings the first half of ‘For Those About to Rock’ to a thundering conclusion, thanks to Angus Young’s searing lead guitar. Just what exactly is singer Brian Johnson really on about here, you ask? A scandalous sexual act, perhaps, or merely good friendly fun after a blizzard? That’s left to each listener to decide, but his vein-bursting performance sure fits our theme.

Something tells us W.A.S.P. leader Blackie Lawless made the acquaintance of many a ball-crushing lady friend in his day, because he certainly appears to be singing from experience on this standout from 1985’s ‘The Last Command.’ Another reason we’ve chosen it for our list of Rock’s Top 10 Ballsiest Songs is that Lawless seems to have gone back for a final fling, despite his subject’s fearsome reputation. The balls on that guy!

On this unfairly overlooked number from 1990’s ‘The Razor’s Edge,’ AC/DC tell the story of a high-powered executive whose high-class mistress ends up calling all the shots. That may seem like an odd reversal at first, but then everyone knows the fairer sex can be just as ballsy, if not more, than their male counterparts.

Deep Purple employed just a little more subtlety in the lyrics for the title track to their fifth studio LP, ‘Fireball,’ which mentions bewitching eyes and burning lips before taking a turn for the worse with broken heads and busted souls. The real balls in this classic song, however, belong to frontman Ian Gillan, whose piercing screech around the one-minute mark suggests his family jewels may have been planted in a vice for the benefit of this song.

Leave it to AC/DC to name an entire album after a ball-breaking ladies everywhere. They then made their singer swing across the stage on a giant wrecking ball, just in case the meaning needed reinforcing. You know what, though? Some of us believe the band actually wrote this song about ‘Ballbreaker’ producer Rick Rubin, whose nit-picky style allegedly pushed the boys’ patience to breaking point during sessions for this album.

Every rock song having anything to do with balls invariably owes something to this vintage rock 'n' roll classic, which remains the signature tune recorded by Jerry Lee Lewis. So, it goes without saying that ‘Great Balls of Fire’ had a guaranteed slot in our list of Rock’s Top 10 Ballsiest songs.

AC/DC’s charismatic frontman Bon Scott famously wrote this song at the request of his then-wife Irene Thornton, but chances are this wasn’t exactly the kind of love letter expected by his long-suffering missus. Instead, Bon offers a tongue-in-cheek celebration of Irene's chutzpah for having the balls to ask such a thing. So we suppose she got her wish — sort of — and he got his, when she divorced his smart arse.

By now, you’ve read about several artists ballsy enough to put it all on the line for the rock 'n' roll, but none of these went so far as putting their ‘Balls to the Wall.’ That is, until Germany’s Accept on their fifth album’s anthemic title track — a fantastic pastiche of mountain-leveling riffs, manly vocal choruses, ear-shattering shrieks, and fabulously head-scratching lyrics that were mostly lost in translation, but ironically sound all the more entertaining for it.

We can safely assume that there have been more aspiring child delinquents educated by AC/DC’s ‘Big Balls’ than every other entry in our list of Rock’s Top 10 Ballsiest Songs combined. In fact, this ‘Dirty Deeds’ double-entendre classic can almost be called a rite of passage. So, here’s to all of these ballsy bands. May they carry on swinging for as long as rock music maintains even the slightest element of danger and rebellion.